Saying "no"
It is very hard for me to say "no" to my family and program director. I feel extremely guilty when I do.
Perhaps you could examine why you feel guilty about saying "no". Is it cultural or maybe something in your religious upbringing? Guilt implies that you are to blame for something; you are not meeting your responsibility in a situation; or, that you have committed a sin or done an evil. If none of these things apply, you have no reason for feeling guilty. Try taking a big deep breath and practice saying "no". Look at yourself in a mirror and practice saying "no". Practice by answering the phone calls from telemarketers and saying no, even if you feel like saying yes. Just say NO!
Upon examination I know that it comes from childhood; one parent's expectations and requirements. This is an area of continual, conscious effort and growth on my part.
I look at it as trying to please everyone. I have taken a more concerted stand to say No to some things and family members' demands.
I agree with you that saying "no!" is hard to do in some cases. I, like you, believe that if I say no to anything involving teaching or other school activiites it will be held over my head as I am being insubordinate. Then when it comes time for accolades or some sort of reward or bonus then I will be passed over because of not doing everything asked of me under the sun.Saying no is sometimes a hard for us to actually say and mean. However, we all have are limits and must be good to ourselves by saying "NO!" when we just are not able to actually do the task asked of us.
This is a vary hard word for me I always put people before my self.
Saying "no" takes practice! The more you say it, the easier it becomes!
I feel the same way. It is very hard for me to say "no" to anything at work because we have had a constant trickle of lay-offs over the past year. I've come to the realization, after being very ill for six weeks and still coming to work every day, that it is not worth my health. I've realized the hard way that being chronically ill is worse even than being laid off.
I can see why it may be difficult, but think about this....if you never find time for yourself then in the long run you will not have time for anyone.
It is ok to say "no" as this can allow for an individual to grow and develop new skills.
I feel the same way, however I have learned I may be doing more harm then good by taking on extra activities or work. This helps me feel a little less stress over the situation.
I agree with everything that has been said here. I used to find it very hard to say no, but as another person pointed out, a lot of feelings of guilt stem from cultural or parental influences. I don't think anyone should become so selfish that they no longer care about anyone else's feelings, but it's important to realize that if you are always worried about everyone else, then who's taking care of you? It all neeeds to be put into perspective. Ultimately, this is your life to live, and you only have one!
I understand were you are coming from. Keep in mind one of the first words we hear is NO. But I too feel guilty by saying this to my boss or loved one. That is because I want to please them even if it is not in my best interests.
