Transitioning from friend to manager
What are some ways to deal with managing people that I used to be friends with? I have found that it can be difficult to be taken seriously in my new position by the people who worked under the manager before me. What can I do to gain more respect among such employees?
Ashley,
this is a very challenging situation. I would suggest having individual meetings with them, expressing that you don't want it to be awkward for them & ask for their help & support.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
Ashley, In managing and leadership there is no room for friendship. Your employees need to understand that at work you will manage them for success. You can approach this with them by individual conversationis to have them understand your position as the new manage. Be strong let them know you are serious about your new leadership position. Also at the end ogf the day if they can't understand this new work environment them your relationship may be strained.
Hope this helps
I think this a great solution, you have to make them understand that your situation has changed and you have to mange all the situation for the success of the company. maybe try to arisen a scenario and find out if they really understand your concerns?
Mehrzad,
yes, this is a great point. We must not treat them as if they are stupid, but rather help them understand the new perspective.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
I think its work in progress ... you can talk to them individually and as time goes by they will notice that you are their supervisor as long as you maintain your position as supervisor at all times and don't go back to old habits of being friends at work.
It will be stressful specially if you need to ask them to meet deadlines so you can turn in your paperwork properly and don't get in trouble for it. If they don't take you seriously that won't happen.
Caron,
I completely agree. Another danger that I've seen is sometimes the new manager will go too far the opposite direction to prove that he/she is now the manager & they will actually treat the friend unfairly to prove a point.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
This is probably one of the most difficult scenarios in leadership. In many companies and government agencies promoting from within a group to a position of leadership is prohibited. One must relocate in order to become the boss. With that said communication is of the utmost importance. The communication that takes place among colleagues is not the same that takes place between a supervisor and a subordinate. An analogy is putting a child in charge of their close-in-age siblings. I don’t think it’s going to work. People say that hindsight most of the time is 20-20. Should individuals in the workplace remain professional associates only, never build friendships, and maintain strict business interactions? I don’t think that would be a good idea unless we were robots. The aforementioned business practice is a recipe for disaster and unrealistic. A manager, that is chosen among peers, would seem to me, already has taken the initiative to lead, has demonstrated leadership qualities, and assumed the role of leadership. In other words, the individual surfaced to the top. Nothing should change and in fact the new manager should capitalize on his friendships. Using his subordinate’s strengths and coaching their weaknesses. A few years ago, a good friend vouched for me and I was brought on board to the company he was working for. A couple of years later, I was promoted to be my friend's manager. I immediately started discussions with my friend regarding how he would feel being subordinate to me. I asked him if there were any issues that would impede either of us from being successful. I asked him for his support and he vowed to give it. I know his strengths and use them to further company goals and objectives. To this day we remain friends and work colleagues.
I think the hardest part about now being the manager of a person who is also a friend is having to give them their performance evaluations. It makes for a very tough meeting when you have to let them know they are not doing things the way they should be done.I tend to stress upon the things they are doing right and have a hard time telling them strait forward what they are doing wrong.
I agree with your position. Something I find missing from the responses in this forum is respect and perspective.
I believe if you give respect and respect yourself you will be respected.
Also, as a manager you have the opportunity to inspire and lead and for me that means that I am my team members biggest fan. I encourage them, coach them when needed and hold them accountable for their outcomes. They do not perceive me as a threat because they know my intentions and expectations.
Are my subordinates (I hate that word) my friends? Yes they are. Do they respect me? Ask them, but I would say yes they do. We celebrate our wins together and we have each others backs when we take a hit.
Christie,
I don't think that respect & perspective were missing from the other posts. We do want to be friends with those they lead & what you said is good, but the question revolved around transitioning from already being a friend/coworker & now being in the position of managing them which means performance reviews, accountability, etc. This is a very difficult transition.
Ryan Meers, Ph.D.
