Why?
I really liked the suggestion to not use the workd why in conversations. The simply use of what is great alternative.
Brad,
Why not?
Just kidding....yes, reframing the question can be very powerful and not risk pushing someone away.
Dr. Jean Norris
I agree that using the word why is very intimidating. It makes you feel like you don't know what you are talking about and are being stupid. Reforming the question is a much more positive what to continue and expand a conversation.
Reforming 'why' questions take some practice, but in the long run the practice will help you better connect with people. Let us know how it works for you Cindi.
I never thought of this before but it really makes sense. Why seems to turn people off because they are not sure if they are saying the right thing or are not sure of the question being ask.
Erin,
So glad you have a new awareness! It can be tricky to get this out of your language. What are your first steps?
Dr. Jean Norris
Hello Brad,
Asking Why? almost seems selfish. Though asking Why? can be positive but more often not. The use of open ended questioning allows for fact finding about the person, place, or situation. The open nature of a conversation provides rich exchanges that are relationship building. In my opinion, open ended questions(what, where, when, and how) are really useful in elevating the listener's abilities. He or she positions themselves in a non-threatening, more inviting, and ultimately more effective manner.
Juan Wilkerson
Juan,
So true! Excellent understanding of listening skills.
Dr. Jean Norris
When you ask the question why, it may lead to the student/recipient not only defensive but they may feel the need to explain the situation longer than is needed. Avoiding the question why helps to keep the conversation on track.
Juan, Why questions can make someone defensive, you are correct! It's important, though, to understand the why behind a students reasoning. With that said, how can you ask as why question without using the word "why"?
Elizabeth Wheeler
