Very interesting discussion! Great question Mark!
I was attending a meeting of engineering faculty, not at my own University, but rather at my alma mater on invitation from the Dean. More than one of them complained about the bivariate distribution of the students (engineering-speak for two types of students forming a double-hump bell curve of grades). In particular, the complaint was that the lower grades group waltzes into class and says "stop everything and catch me up."
I sense this may be an underlying influencer in some of the comments, and although I realize it's only a part of the puzzle, I will give my technique for dealing with this - at the risk of boring you all by stating things you already know...
I tell students "life happens" - and when you have events or circumstances or things you don't grasp as quickly as others who may have expericend it before - it always seems to create more work for you, never less. For this reason, I've structured this class so that everyone has a chance to get back on board and catch-up if they are willing to put in that extra work - and then I point them to specific resources. Also, about midway through every term, I have one-on-one discussions with every student pointing to specific resources for them, and explaining the consequences of not catching-up (the top-grade bell curve students love this "keep up the good work" conversations as well!).
In this way, I feel like I'm treating students like adults, and I'm also clearly explaining consequences (and documenting that conversation as well) and how to mitigate those consequences.
