Don't become a pal.
Regarding the Role 2 Manager section: "Don't become a pal."
I have seen this happen too many times. An instructor will give a student a few "bucks" for lunch, then that student seems to go to them for every problem they have including needing more money. Too many instructors feel sorry for the student and the "borrowed" money is never returned.
Students also feel that their instructors can fix their personal problems as well. Many want advice regarding marriage, children, etc. and too often instructors are willing to give it. This creates more of that "pal" relationship. Helpful suggestions are fine but you must know where to "draw the line."
Hi Karmon,
You are correct in your statements about drawing a line on how much you can be involved in the lives of your students. You can be a friend but you cannot be a pal. A pal is a cohort of a student and by virtue of being the instructor you cannot be that, not to mention the violation of student instructor relationships.
You should strive to send a message of support to your students and be a referral person to agencies or the student services office if necessary but that would be the limit. Not only will student consume your time, but you could be liable for advice given if you do not have the proper background to dispense such advice.
As an educator I strive for respect from my students as a result of my experience in my field as well as my ability to direct their learning. I want to be their model, manager and motivator. If I can do that I will have served the role for which I was employed.
Gary
I have made the mistake once of being "too concerned" about a student and as you said, if you lend them money you never see it again. Fortunatly, the cash amount was very minimal and I learned very quickly. Students do tend to use you if you allow them too. I have learned to be empathetic but still maintain a level of professionalism. The most valuable lesson that I have learned in the short 2 years that I have been teaching is that I can be a role model and have had students return to me and tell me what an impact I have had on their life. This, to me, is the most rewarding result of teaching. Peggy
Hi Peggy,
You summed it up very nicely when you mentioned the students telling you that you had an impact on their lives. That is what it is all about. Years ago I developed as my mission statement—“Impacting this generation, influencing the nextâ€. This is what I strive to do each time I teach a class. From your comments I know you do this as well.
Gary
I agree stongly with the fact that being a students pal makes you lose credibility and professionalism for the student. They see you as a "pal" rather than an authority in class and test you flexibilty.
Hi Katayoun,
You are correct about not being a pal. Just can't do it. I try to be a friend to my students so they will respect me for my expertise and experience. In addition, I want them to see me as their educational leader. Beyond that it is up to them to work towards successful course completion with all of the support I can give them.
Gary
This particular statement really hits close to home, "A friend is one that is supportive and encouraging, a pal is someone you run with otside of the professional setting." As the academic coordinator, I have the right to hire and fire instructors, unfortunately doing my ten years serving in this role, I had to terminate a few instructors because they became the students pals versus the students friends. I have had instructors that could not draw the line and they began to go shopping with students, go to cookouts with students, go clubbing with students, go to students homes and have students come to their homes, let students borrow money, let students borrow their vehicles and etc. The students immediately began to lose respect for the instructors and looked at the instructors as their buddies (pals) instead of a professional friend.
Patricia Scales
For sensitive instructors this can be a hard choice at times. I am often asked for 75 cents for the drink machine daily and very often by the same students. This can be a red flag warning. Those same students eventually ask for moneyto eat on then a much higher commitment of gas money for an emegency trip back home. You have to distinquish between mooching and con jobs. If a student ask for money for an emergency I always refer them to the administration for an emergency loan. This usally ends the con or mooching syndrom. However I'm still a sucker for a coke now and then.
Hi Patricia,
For the most part everyone likes to be liked, instructors included so sometimes they stray beyond the difference between a friend and a pal. My worst case was when one of my student teachers bought beer for his students and was caught with them driving. Needless to say his career was over. When I went to see him in jail the only thing he could do was sob and say he couldn't believe how the students turned on him when the police arrived. Point was he wasn't truly one of them he was only being used. Sometimes it is hard for instructors to see that.
I will attend open houses and graduation cookouts for my students to show them I care and that I am proud of their accomplishments. But, as you say we must draw the line and be aware of how clear the line really is. As you mentioned you have lost a number of good instructors due to this fuzzy line problem.
Also, the students are really looking for a clear line so they can find a sense of comfort in dealing with you the instructor. We should strive for respect both as professionals as well as content specialists. If we do our job well the respect will be earned.
Thank you for your most worthwhile comments on this delicate subject.
Gary
Hi William,
I think our job is even harder to distinguish between being a friend and a pal since we teach adults. These adults may be within our general age range and thus we tend to be soft touches when it comes to blending lines between friend and pal. Also, I have found that new instructors coming out of their fields sometimes want to “buy†their students' respect by being their pals. They are unsure of how they should conduct themselves and so they lean more towards the pal side rather than friend side. They need some support and professional guidance on how to draw the respect line and make it clear that they are to be instructors and friends only to their students.
Your comments about how the asking for money escalates are good ones. This is the common pattern followed by the students and as you mentioned requests like this should be referred to the administration. This takes the pressure off of you the instructor and allows you to continue on with instructional goals.
Gary
Don't become a pal is indeed correct! I have witness this first hand and it will definetly hurt you as an instuctor. You will lose classroom control and the respect of any student that are present in your classroom.
Hi Patricia,
As you well know this is a common problem among beginning instructors as they want to be liked by all of their students. They think becoming pals with their students is the way to do it. As educators we need to strive for respect from our students. I have found that by earning the respect of my students they come to see me as a leader of the educational setting as well as a professional in my field. That is all that we can ask of our students, meaning through respect we will get learning achievement and student growth. When all of this is in place my evaluations show me that they end up liking me as well which is a bonus I can enjoy.
Gary
I don't feel Instructors and Students should interact outside of class because the level of respect for the instructor is decreased.I think we as INSTRUCTORS should be held at a higher level of accountability.
Hi Shawn,
I agree that we as instructors should maintain a professional distance between ourselves and our students. To socialize with our students is a mistake that many new instructors make. I do think it is appropriate to have social events with students within the school context such as a picnic or pizza party to celebrate a special event. When invited I attend open houses and graduation parties for my students to show them how much I respect them and what they have accomplished. As was mentioned in the course, we as instructors should strive to be friends to our students and not pals. Through the friendship we can develop lifelong relationships that allows up to call upon graduates to speak to our classes and to be role models for current students.
Gary
I don't think there is a problem with doing activities after class with students as long as they are related to the profession and you include every student. This will omit the teachers pet problem and will increase student / instructor relationships. Be professional, act the same way out of class as you do in class.
Hi Denny,
As you well know the problem of becoming a pal to your students is a very real one. Sounds like your approach is very good. The key is to always conduct yourself as a professional. I attend student picnics, graduations, open houses, etc. but always as a professional educator showing my support for their accomplishments. Teaching is both hard work and a lot of fun. I think we need to enjoy our students as they progress through their training and in doing so we can develop a rapport with them that will carry over into their careers. I am most proud when former students call me to tell me about something they have done in their careers.
Gary
This statement is true, I made that mistake my first year of teaching, I became a pal with some of my students, and what happens, I lost all respect from them, and I couldn't control my class, there for I don't do that again, and always draw a line between students and Instructor, and show that model, you want them to be.
Hi Julio,
Thank you for your comments about being a friend and not a pal to your students. It is good that you recognized this could be a problem early in your teaching career and was able to develop a strategy to help your students, but not be a pal to them.
Gary
This is such a great topic, I tend to make it clear in the first few classes that they need to keep all their personnal information and problems out of class because if they want to do well, they need to concentrate a be centered in order to help others.
Hi Susan,
An instructor needs to have a real feel for how much personal information they will reveal that is beneficial to the students and the class. Beyond that an instructor is bringing baggage to class that does not need to be there.
Gary
