I experienced a similar situation after becoming too much of a pal to some of my students. Once you become "one of them" you lose control and authority, and also respect. I found myself having to become the "bad guy" after they lost incentive to do assignments, as they didn't think it would be marked against them. I learned how to be friendly, yet firm, and maintained a positive learning environment. Luckily, the respect was restored, and
learning was acheived. It did, however, require that I make the effort not to be part of the gang.
Hi Joshua,
Great example of how the "pal" issue can work. The good news is that you regained control and now have the experience base upon which to build. This type of learning experience is what helps us to improve as instructors. Keep the learning process going.
Gary
I have seen this problem develop quite often. The students need to realize that there are certain boundaries that exist in the instructor/student relationship. While you are the to motivate and instruct the student, you cannot be their "buddy" as well.
I have read all of discussions and understand completely. My personal experience involves a family member who was enrolled at my school. This goes beyond the "pal" expecttion. I often felt like I was expected to give special privileges and bend the rules daily. It was often difficult to be firm with the student because he felt like I was being too hard on him. However, I knew the other students were watching our every move and would expect special privileges in return. I wanted to motivate him and serve as a strong model, but it ended up putting a strain on our relationship.
I agree.
Getting involved with students on a personal level can create so many problems.
It is best to avoid it altogether.
I have considered making exceptions in the past and the risks are simply too high.
Hi Emmanuelle,
Well said. Keep it professional and you will be safe as well as respected.
Gary
Peggy, I too have made the mistake of leanding money and then never see it again. It was a hard lesson to learn, but I learned. I try to be a role modle to my students now with out trying to fix their problems. I encourage my students to come to me with their problems that may make them miss class or even drop out and then I send them to the proper department for referrals. My students know that I am a sounding board for them but they now know that I am unable to fix things for them. I try to tlk to them and help them break down the issues that they are having and take steps to fix each problem.
Hi Sheila,
Great comments about how to handle your relationship with your students. I am sure that your students see you as a resource upon whom they can call when needed. That is a key part of being a model and motivator for you students. Also by being knowledgeable of the "helps" that are available for your students you can guide them to the right place in an efficient and effective manner.
Gary
Dr. Meers,
In my ten years of teaching, I have found that, although students would like you to be their "pal", the end result is that they respect you more as a role model, instructor, and mentor if you do not cross the line. After all, that is your purpose in being an instructor.
Favored treatment, leniency and acceptance of unacceptable behavior in the classroom can be detrimental to the learning environment for all students.
Barbara
Hi Barbara,
Exactly right. Instructors are there to be instructors. A consistent, fair instructor will become a professional role model for student. The students will have an idea of what a person should be like that represents their field.
Gary
I truly believe that we are there to be a mentor not a friend to our students. I want them to be successful in the field. I even advise them to not get overly friendly out in the field.
Hi Denise,
The key is relationships. Many great positions have been lost and careers ruined as a result of not having a clear line about what kind of relationship exists in the classroom and work place.
Well said.
Gary
I would be very careful of becoming too chummy with any student. You could be percieved as being favoritive toward that student, or set yourself up for a lawsuit.
Hi Craig,
This is a good point. This is often a problem with new instructors as they want to be liked by the students but aren't sure where to draw the line in terms of where the relationship is to be set. Always retain that professional attitude and you will have good rapport with students and won't become to chummy with them.
Gary
I believe it varies with student population. I mostly work with adult learners who are more my peers than younger students. They are working professionals who look to me as mentor as well as a teacher. We do exchange stories of each other's personal life to a degree but I can be an example to them of how to advance your career with a family to raise, too.
You need to be a resource person and a mentor but if you get too buddy buddy the students may take that as being too easy and favoratism. You must remain fair and consistant
I have to agree. I feel that once we discuss the rules and what the expectations are from the class, then you have to insist that everyone follow them. If you let one break a rule, then others will try. I find that the students try to test the water with every new instructor they have.
I haven't encountered instructors borrowing money, but other forms of getting too friendly. In the past, I've had students try to be a pal to the instructor. Which can be dangerous when you're a young instructor.
Hi Kym,
Good point. Never let something like this happen. It isn't worth ruining a career over. Keep the professional distance as a result of being the professional you are.
Gary
Hi Stanley,
This is a nice trick and once you have mastered it a huge burden will be removed from you as an instructor. I learned be caring and accessible without showing favoritism when I coached my children's soccer teams, I even coached my son at the High School level. I was able to treat him the same as all the other players. The moment of truth came when he didn't turn in his daily work to his Reading teacher (who happened to be the head coach's wife) and got a "D." We had been telling the players that the needed a "C" to continue playing. I suspended him for the season, but made him come to every practice with no chance of playing in the games, despite the fact that he was one of our better players.
That continues today, I have had him in several of my classes at our college. The most amazing thing was that one class had no idea we were related until the day of the finals. :-)
I make it perfectly clear to every student that once we are in the classroom there is a professional relationship. Once everyone is on the same page I can be caring and supportive and it doesn't affect the classroom environment. I have even failed one student in a couple of different classes and we remain cordial.
Terry
