When instructors become too friendly with students it is sometimes difficult for the instructor to give an unbias evaluation. Or, the opposite, the instructor gives the student a less than satisfactory grade and the student gets angree. Even though the student got the grade she deserved.
While teaching middle school every now and again I would be approached by students to ask for money for snacks, or if they forgot their lunch. Some teachers would disapprove of my getting involved, but I had difficulty watching a child not eat. I began to keep snacks in my drawers, or keep nonperishable items from lunch just in case.
On the higher academic level these days, I don't run into issues with money or food, but instead with students who want to contact me with personal matters. Often times they tell me long stories about things and then ask for extensions. Where do you draw the line? How do you be sure to not turn into the robot teacher with no soul who doesn't care about extenuating circumstances, while also not being walked all over?
Hi Marissa,
You ask very common and challenging questions that all of us instructors face. When do you draw the line? I base my decision on each individual situation. Also, I remind the students that they are enrolled in courses that are leading to their future so I, to meet my professional obligations, have to have deadlines and set high standards for success. By doing so I will be educating them at a level that will help them to achieve career success. I can extend deadlines or drop assignment requirements but I will be reducing the standards of the course and hurting their futures.
Also, this is college, which they signed up for not compulsory high school. The stakes are higher so it follows the requirements and deadlines will be also.
Gary
Karmon,
As a Department Chair, I have had this issue with my faculty on several occasions.
I had the best instructor on my staff go out for drinks after class one evening. After I confronted him on this, he explained this was common where he went to school. I felt this was getting a little t0o personal with the students. He disagreed, but did agree not to do it again.
Andy
I teach an adult population as well, and I made a mistake in the past of getting too involved in my students lives and sharing a bit of my personal life as well, which was dandy the first class I had them. The next time I had them they were way too relaxed, and I felt the respect for my rules was not taken seriously. I have learned to be personable and approachable but at a safe distance. I think that's what you have done and I working to do the same.
Margarita,
Thank you for sharing this hard earned experience with us. I know this will be of benefit to other instructors as they decide on how to set the boundaries with their students.
Gary
Dr. Gary Meers
Yes Peggy...
As your teaching years roll by you will be surprised by the number of lives you have really touched.
I have taught High SchoolChemistry 25 years and have had many students come back to report on their College Chemistry Class..some even majored in Chemistry...some are athletes playing in college now from walk ons to full scholarship players.
Most memorable was one who (10 years later) apologized for being a real jerk (his words) in the class.
Keep on Keepin on Peggy
Ted Bickel
Tedtutor@aol.com
Ted,
Thanks for the advice you gave Peggy. I am a long time teacher myself and my greatest reward from teaching has been the lives touched. Well said. Gets me all fired up for our January start.
Gary
Dr. Gary Meers
I completely agree with most of the comments said here in this section. Our role as instructors is to be a mentor who is encouraging and supportive while professionally educating our students to become successful. There is a very fine line between becoming too friendly / involved with students while trying to maintain the upmost respect from them. This can never be a good situation if one were to cross that line. One related area of concern that I have found to have difficulty with is trying to include humor in the classroom. It's a very natural characteristic of mine; however, I find myself being somewhat reserved with this when sharing it in the classroom as it can easily be taken out of context by one, if not many. I have learned to refrain and think twice from making such comments in the classroom due to the impact it may make. Just wanted to throw some "food for thought" out there for the other instructors.
Janelle,
Good comments. Thanks for sharing them with us.
Gary
Dr. Gary Meers
Hi there,
I agree!I have witnessed an instructor confide so much to a student. The student then came back around and held the information against her. Luckily, it was all resolved in the end.
Dominga,
Thank you for sharing this example and the warning that goes with it. Instructors have to be very careful in terms of their relationships with students and how much about their lives they share. Glad to hear that it worked out ok just as easily could have been a career ending problem for this instructor.
Gary
Dr. Gary Meers
Many of my students are part of the "sandwich" generation, whereby they are taking care of children and ailing parents. Definitely not the typical problem of the traditional college population. These additional stressors do come with them to class and it is difficult for many of them to prioritize school. I try to support them but not become too knowledgeable in regards to the details of their outside lives. However, I do encourage them to prioritize their schoolwork to meet their goals and fulfill their dreams. Diane
Diane,
A lot of our students are in this generation and you are so right about the challenges they face in their lives. It is tough to keep all of their life pressures contained in a way that lets them stay in school and make progress toward their career goals. The more understanding and support we can provide them the greater their retention is going to be.
Gary
Gary Meers, Ed.D.
Those instructors who become pals with the students make it difficult for others who maintain their professionalism. Professional consistency is very important with students of any age.
Kay,
This is a serious mistake for instructors to make as you have experienced with your fellow instructors. We have to maintain our relationship as the learning leader and not a pal of the students.
Gary
Gary Meers, Ed.D.
I have seen too many managers and instructors fall into the "pal" trap. Having a professional relationship with student is very important and will help the students more in the long run than having a pal for a teacher.
Gary,
Good advice for each instructor to follow. We can develop rapport with our students after we have earned their respect and that is where it needs to remain.
Gary
Gary Meers, Ed.D.
I completely agree that professors/instructors should always maintain professional boundaries as it relates to students.
CAMILLE,
This is a must if you are going to be the learning leader of your students.
Gary
Gary Meers, Ed.D.
